Last week's events in my current city clearly seem to have spiralled a lot of thinking and action plans. There's a cause, close to hearts and an aim, to which each of us, lay a claim. I closely followed the entire episode and its aftermath, felt the anguish and the horror, post-mortemized each news byte with kith and kin and finally returned back to what we term as 'normal life'. I was and am a part of the action, reaction and the judgment but I strangely feel detached at a personal level. Its not a detachment of nonchalance. It stems out of the overwhelming feeling of being a bystander.
I realise that I am a bystander witnessing the unfolding of my life. At times, I feel in charge, totally charged and motivated, ready to make a difference, to work towards a sense of achievement, however, at other times, I get bogged down, tired and depressed, giving up and finding solace in self pity. At all times, I deliberate, act and judge, feeding the engine of life. It runs me and this brain, keeping itself amused on the ruminations which clearly have little bearing on my future for I can be the next terror victim, lying in a pool of blood, with having precious little to bear testimony of my life, which i otherwise, take so seriously !
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